Meditation on The Gap

For a broader introduction to why and how we meditate, see Why We Meditate and How.

This might seem like a remedial topic for you experienced meditators, but I promise you, it keeps coming up again and again.

Why We Have No Space in Our Lives

You know that joke that David Foster Wallace told in a commencement address speech? About the two fish?

There are these two young fish swimming along, and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says, “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes, “What the hell is water?”

We are kind of like that with space. Our lives are so full, our minds are so full, all the time. We are endlessly entertained with our eyes, our touch, our thoughts, etc. The moment we sit down on the toilet to take a crap, we pull out our phones and start scrolling. Wake up, scroll, eat, commute, work, eat, work, commute, drink, eat, TV, sleep. Any little gaps in between those things, we have our phones to check. We have no space in our mind, in our day to day experience.

It sounds funny, but it’s actually painful. We are hiding from something but we don’t know what’s scaring us. It’s like a sandcastle and the tide is coming in. Or patching plaster on a house with no foundation. Cracks keep appearing while we’re frantically running around with spackle and a hair dryer trying to patch things up.

We try everything - all the possible strategies, drinks, drugs, distractions. Nothing works. We just can’t relax.

Finally, we decide to try meditation. We sit down with no distractions, in a quiet place, maybe with incense burning and a nice shrine to remind us what we are doing here. And somehow it’s worse! Our mind is even crazier when we start meditating! It’s so frustrating!

Of course, our minds are not actually busier. It just feels that way because we aren’t distracted by all the external stimuli we normally put in front of ourselves.

But we are lured forward by the possibility. We have this memory of a moment where we felt clear and relaxed. We’ve tried to recreate that moment - going back to the same place, wearing the same clothes at the same time of day - but it’s never the same. But there was this moment - one of the sweetest times in our life. We want to feel that good again.

What Is The Gap?

In our meditation tradition, we call that moment The Gap. It’s the space between all the stimulus. It’s the context in which life happens. It’s like seeing negative space in a painting for the first time - once you see it, the painting will never be the same.

How to Find The Gap: A Guided Practice

One way to look at meditation practice is as hunting for The Gap…. So let’s try it.

It’s not like hunting for a squirrel or an extra 10% off. You sort of have to wait. But you can’t just hang out. Here’s how we do it:

find a good quiet place to sit
arrange your body in a comfortable but upright position. Relaxed but dignified.
allow your attention to settle into the body. Usually our experience is all in our head - in our thoughts first, then our eyes. Let it sink down so you can feel your butt on the chair and your belly moving with each breath.
Let’s stick with the breath for now, although you can use lots of things as touchstones for meditation…
Touch into the feeling of your body breathing.
Thoughts will come up, feelings, sights, smells, etc. Totally fine. You are just maintaining contact with the feeling of your body breathing. It’s like you are swimming in the middle of a lake, but there’s a floating dock nearby you can always touch.
When thoughts become overwhelming, when you realize you’ve been gone off in a daydream or a memory, just gently bring your attention back to the breath.
This might take a while, several sessions or more. Or it might just happen. Either way, once you are feeling your breath and staying with it for two, three, four, five in a row, pay a little more attention to the out breath.
It goes out of your body into space. You breathe out, pause, and then you naturally breathe in again.
That pause, when you’ve breathed out, before you’ve breathed in, is an example of The Gap. There are lots of Gaps in experience everywhere, all the time. But here’s one that is with you 24x7 every time you breathe. No matter where you are.
So let’s feel that a bit. Breath goes out. Gap. Breath comes in. Breath goes out. Gap. Comes in.
Just let it be.
Ok that’s great. Gong. Dedicate the merit.

xoxo

Why We Have No Space in Our Lives

You know that joke that David Foster Wallace told in a commencement address speech? About the two fish?

There are these two young fish swimming along, and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says, “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes, “What the hell is water?”

We try everything - all the possible strategies, drinks, drugs, distractions. Nothing works. We just can’t relax.

Of course, our minds are not actually busier. It just feels that way because we aren’t distracted by all the external stimuli we normally put in front of ourselves.

How to Find The Gap: A Guided Practice

One way to look at meditation practice is as hunting for The Gap…. So let’s try it.

It’s not like hunting for a squirrel or an extra 10% off. You sort of have to wait. But you can’t just hang out. Here’s how we do it:

find a good quiet place to sit

arrange your body in a comfortable but upright position. Relaxed but dignified.

allow your attention to settle into the body. Usually our experience is all in our head - in our thoughts first, then our eyes. Let it sink down so you can feel your butt on the chair and your belly moving with each breath.

Let’s stick with the breath for now, although you can use lots of things as touchstones for meditation…

Touch into the feeling of your body breathing.

Thoughts will come up, feelings, sights, smells, etc. Totally fine. You are just maintaining contact with the feeling of your body breathing. It’s like you are swimming in the middle of a lake, but there’s a floating dock nearby you can always touch.

When thoughts become overwhelming, when you realize you’ve been gone off in a daydream or a memory, just gently bring your attention back to the breath.

This might take a while, several sessions or more. Or it might just happen. Either way, once you are feeling your breath and staying with it for two, three, four, five in a row, pay a little more attention to the out breath.

It goes out of your body into space. You breathe out, pause, and then you naturally breathe in again.

That pause, when you’ve breathed out, before you’ve breathed in, is an example of The Gap. There are lots of Gaps in experience everywhere, all the time. But here’s one that is with you 24x7 every time you breathe. No matter where you are.

So let’s feel that a bit. Breath goes out. Gap. Breath comes in. Breath goes out. Gap. Comes in.

Just let it be.

Ok that’s great. Gong. Dedicate the merit.

xoxo