There's a line in one of Pema Chodron's books, I think it's "When Things Fall Apart" that haunts me decades after I read it. She is giving meditation instruction in the text, and she gets to the part where she describes labeling your thoughts.
Like you are sitting there, meditating, and you realize that your attention is somewhere far away. You are disconnected from your body, the space around you, your breathing. You are absorbed in your thinking and disconnected from everything else. Have you ever felt that way?
In the book, Pema Chodron gives the instruction we have heard before... when you find yourself disconnected from your breathing and lost in thought, just say "Thinking" to yourself, and gently but firmly return your attention to your breath.
But here's the part that really sticks with me. She says "Notice what tone of voice you use when you say "Thinking". I will say that again...
Doing all these guided meditations with you, and hearing all these guided meditations over the past couple of years, has made me much more aware of that internal voice that I use to talk to my "self", to narrate my experience. I've come to believe that I have two voices actually, the voice I use to speak to other people, and a separate, different voice I use to talk to my "self".
So with your permission, this morning I would like to do a guided meditation to explore that inner monologue. I want to get a better sense of that speaker and maybe even talk with him about how he talks to me. Ok?
[Ring gong]
Start by taking your posture. Think of someone or some thing that you hope your practice will benefit this morning.
Don't try to force that internal voice to arise. Just wait for it.
Just hang out in the room, feeling your body breathing, seeing the space, the screen, hearing sounds. Just wait.
When you hear that inner voice speaking, don't worry so much about what it says. Don't worry about the content.
Become curious about the tone of the voice. How does it speak? What are the qualities of the voice?
Does it speak fast or slow? Is the voice deep or high? It is raspy or smooth?
What are the emotional qualities of the voice? Is it warm? Is it flat? Is it cool and calm? Is it cold?
Can it be quiet or does it feel the need to constantly be saying something? Reacting to every little feeling or thought that pops up?
Now consider if you will, the person behind that voice. If another person in your normal daily life had that voice, what would they be like? How would you describe them?
Imagine extending a hand of friendship to that person. How does that feel? If you want, you can hug that person. If that doesn't feel right, no need to force the relationship.
Now imagine asking that person for a favor. You can ask them to talk to you in a different way. Ask them to speak to you in a different tone of voice, or to emphasize something else, or to change in any way that would help you.
Imagine that they say they will try, and that you can always come back and talk again.
Ok, now drop the technique and just rest in the space together for a bit.